Dealing with Disappointment? Hang in there...

How do we handle disappointment?  What do we do with setbacks?  Where do we turn when life is confusing?  What do we do when we are facing far more questions than we have answers?

For over 20 months, I've faced an uncertain future and I've had to be resilient as I've encountered an open-ended transition in life.  Transitions are difficult - even more so when they are nearly two years in duration.

Since January of 2022, every time I've thought I glanced light at the end of a tunnel, I have quickly realized that it was train headed straight for me!  Thankfully the tunnels have been wide enough to avoid sudden destruction, but I'm getting tired of sucking in my gut and gripping the cold and rough textured masonry of these modern engineering marvels. 

So, back to my initial questions.  How do we handle setbacks and uncertainty?  The Apostle Paul, who was no stranger to disappointment, provides a way forward.  In the first part of Romans 8, Paul declares that through the gospel of Christ and the gift of the Holy Spirit, our lives are being transformed and our eternal hope is secure.  One day we will be raised to bodily life in God's renewed creation.  Our present struggles pale in comparison to the glory yet to be revealed.  Ultimately, it's all going to work out in the end.  But what about the middle parts - what about the here and now?  

Paul goes on to remind us that God works all things for the good for those who love God and are called according to his purposes.  Note, Paul does not say that all things are good.  He does not declare that everything in the world is in accordance with God's will.  But he does say that God is powerful enough to bring good from all things - even bad things.  Some things in life suck!  But, somehow, through God's providence and his often-unseen actions in our world, God will take all things - the good, the bad, and the ugly - and work them for the ultimate good of those who love him and continue to seek him.  Paul then goes onto say that because God is for us, there is nothing against us that has the power to overcome us.  He reminds us that Jesus was willing to die for us.  So, is there anything else in all of creation that can possibly separate us from the love of God in Christ?  Absolutely not!  

In the big picture, my present circumstances are actually, pretty good.  I and my family are healthy.  We have food and shelter.  We are surrounded by people who love us, whether geographically near or far.  We live in an age when so many of the crises and hardships that people of antiquity faced are now non-existent.  There are many people around the world in 2023 who are suffering through war, extreme poverty, and spiritual barrenness.  None of these are plights my family is currently enduring.  

But that doesn't mean that everything in my life is peachy.  That doesn't mean that I and my family are not presently going through a difficult season.  Like everyone, we too face struggles.  But we face those struggles with faith, hope, and love.  We have faith that this season will pass - and even if it doesn't, our ultimate hope is secure.  And the love of God that Christ has poured out on us through his Spirit, comforts us through the hard times.  This gives us the ability to press on come what may.  If like me, you face an uncertain future - hang in there.  If like me, you are struggling - hang in there.  If like me, you are facing disappointment - hang in there.  This too shall pass, and even if it doesn't, what we face in the present pales in comparison to God's final future yet to be revealed!  Hang in there. - Shay       

A Boy Can Dream, Can't He?!!!

 I had to go all the way to England to meet a girl who grew up in Oklahoma and Missouri!  I can still remember the day in early May of 1999 when I walked off of the plane into the smaller than expected airport in Birmingham, England.  It was a damp and dreary day (read typical), but Juli's smiling face was a ray of sunshine for this travel weary jet-lagged 21-year-old.  I remember seeing her from a distance and thinking to myself, "Wow, she's good looking!"  Extending my hand out for a shake, I introduced myself with all of the James Bond cool I could muster: "Hey, I'm Shay."  Juli was not impressed.  When I found out later that day that Juli had a boyfriend, let's just say I was disappointed.

For the next four months, Juli and I worked together in Nottingham on a missions team with 8 other American young people.  Mid-summer, I learned that Juli had been dumped by her boyfriend who was a part of the same missions program but based in Portugal.  I should have been sympathetic, but I couldn't quite hide my delight.  My initial intrigue had turned into full-scale infatuation, and I thought that things were beginning to come together for our imminent relationship.  Again, Juli was less than impressed with my not-so-subtle swooning, as she said to herself, "I would never date this guy, let alone marry him!"  But a boy can dream, can't he?!!

As September came and Juli's departure date neared, I felt I had to transparently express my feelings for her.  I could not be content with letting my subtle and not-so-subtle hints substitute for laying my feelings on the line.  But I was scared - scared that my feelings for Juli might not be mutual.  So, rather than having a conversation with her face to face, on the night before she was scheduled to fly back to the States, I wrote her a letter, requesting her not to read it until she was over the Atlantic.  I still remember arriving at her house in the early morning hours, just as she boarded the van scheduled to take her to the airport.  I gave her a hug, handed her the letter, and explained my request.  I don't remember the exact details of the letter, but I shared my heart and I mentioned that at the very least, I hoped that I was planting a seed that might come to fruition at a later date.  Then I waited.  I waited.  And I continued to wait.  In the days when snail mail was still a thing, email a kind of luxury, and trans-Atlantic texting non-existent, I knew it might take some time.  But surely, I would hear back from her, I thought.  I thought wrong!  There was never a letter or an email acknowledging that she had read the letter.  I never even received a polite response with a, "Thank you, but no thank you."  Crickets.  

When it comes to relationships, I'm no Dr. Phil, but even I realized that when October and November came and went, her response was a hard "no" without the "thank you."

But a boy can dream, can't he?!! For whatever reason, I didn't give up, even if I moved on for the time being.

Fast-forward to the Fall of 2000.  As I sat in my apartment adjacent to the University of Texas at Austin, I contemplated my future.  I had been a Broadcast Journalism major in the College of Communications at UT, but I had decided to change my major to Education.  Should I switch to the College of Education at UT, or should I transfer back to Lubbock Christian University?  There were solid arguments for either decision, but Juli was living in Lubbock, not Austin.  I can't say that Juli was the deciding factor (I had only seen her once since getting back to the States and there was no indication that her feelings for me were any different than before), but her presence in Buddy Holly's backyard definitely played a part.  

As I bookended my college career in Lubbock, I had the time to re-launch mission improbable.  Slowly, but surely through church events, social gatherings, game nights, and a decisive trip with friends to the Sangre de Cristo Mountains in New Mexico, I was able to water and fertilize the seeds previously planted.  Over the Summer of 2001, I was a camp counselor at Blue Haven, while Juli lived with her sister in the Dallas area.  I sent her several pieces of snail mail, and this time she returned the favor.  By the Fall, we were a "couple" and despite a couple of break-ups along the way, we said "I do" on August 17, 2002.  We celebrate 21 years of marriage today!

Juli would be the first person to tell you that me marrying her was extremely unlikely in the beginning.  But a boy can dream, can't he?!!  I persevered in my pursuit of my dream girl and that has been one of the best decisions I've ever made.  Like all relationships, this one hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!  I pray that God will give us many, many more decades together, but no matter how much time we have, I don't want to live this life with anyone but Juli.  My wife is a gift from God!  And the God who keeps on giving saw fit to give us Ashlyn, 7 years later.  So, on this my anniversary, I am filled with nothing less than gratitude. - Shay   

Undefined Future

Have you ever wished you could jump in a time machine and revisit your past?  Maybe you would like to relive the "good old days".  You might want to experience the world through those naive, but hopeful spectacles we wear in our youth.  It would be so refreshing to not only experience the good times of our past through our memories, but to actually experience them all over again - in our bodies - in real space and time.  Time travel would be exciting!

But if you're like me, you probably would like to change a few things too.  You undoubtedly have a few regrets.  And how nice it would be to get a "do-over".  Now, if we really could change our past - even for the better - we might discover all kinds of other things in our world that would also have changed.  Probably some for the better, and maybe a few for the worse.  But that's a whole other pseudo-scientific philosophical discussion that we'll leave for another time.  Time travel does not exist and so we cannot change our past.  We do not get "mulligans" in the real world.

We cannot change our past, but our past does not define our future - unless we let it.  Our past might inform our future (and it probably should), but it does not have to encroach on the freedom that our future affords us.  The narrative of our life has begun to be written, but it is not yet a fully finished work.  There are blank pages just waiting to be filled with the stuff of our stories.  

To take the story metaphor (although its more reality than metaphor I believe) a little further, we sometimes need to be reminded that people possess the power to change.  Like interesting characters in well-developed fiction, who we are and who we are becoming is an ever-evolving process.  Who I am at 46 isn't the person I was at 23, or even 45.  Who I will be at 50 should be at least a little different than who I am right now.  

Due to major life changes over the past 20 months, I've spent much time in reflection.  I've taken a hard look at my past, both the good and the bad, and I've gained a deeper appreciation for who I am in the present.  And though I certainly have regrets, I have made a conscious decision to learn from my mistakes and then to leave them in the past.  They will inform my future, but they will not define it.

I've also reminded myself that the majority of my history is worth celebrating.  I have had a great life and I am extremely grateful for all the blessings that the Father has poured into my lap.  Christ has accomplished good things through me and the other people he's placed in my path.  And though I am far from finished, I've seen transformation through the Spirit's work in my character.  I'm excited to turn another page and to write that next chapter in my story.  

A few months ago, I thought that I would end "Near St. Anne's and the Sea".  Back in May, I started another blog called The Big Narrative where I explore the grand story of the Bible.  I want to keep that format tight.  But I also want to continue to write and reflect on other broad themes and ideas, and this platform is a good place to do that.  So, like our lives, this blog remains open, free, and in process.  It has an undefined future. - Shay