For the better part of two decades, I have been a minister. I did youth ministry for seven years, foreign church planting for five, associate ministry for four, and for the past two and a half years, I've been the lead preaching minister. I have thoroughly enjoyed every position I've held in ministry. Each one, has seemed to be the right fit at the right time, though not always necessarily the right place. I have taught many people many things, but no doubt, I've learned far more than I've taught. I, alongside my physical and church family have served in a variety of ways, but we too have been served by those in and outside of the church. I do not regret ministering, though of course, I have my regrets. If ministry has been so good and so fulfilling, why am I stepping away from full-time vocational ministry?
For nearly twenty years, I have longed for those within my care and within my sphere of influence to not only embrace the truth of the gospel, but to live that truth out in authentic and meaningful ways in the nitty gritty of real life. Many of my fellow journeymen and women have done so - many have done so in far greater ways than I could ever dream of for myself. And yet, for many, I feel that faith has merely been an add-on to the rest of their lives. It has not been "the thing". Though I am disappointed in the lukewarm faith of so many, I have always had the nagging sense that it's easy for me, as a full-time church worker, to cast stones within my glass church house. It's easy to criticize others when I haven't walked in their particular shoes. How all-encompassing would my faith be if I was working two jobs, sixty or seventy hours per week, just to make ends meet? I imagine that my faith would still remain strong, and I am fairly confident that it would still be the thing that defines me. But that's just a theoretical discussion. Unless I have the "skins on the wall" to prove it, it's merely a guess.
Another frustration I have experienced is the overwhelming conservative nature of churches. I don't mean conservative politically speaking, though that too is a real danger to the progress of the Kingdom of God. Large (and even small) groups of people tend to make decisions painfully slowly and as a result, very often poorly. There is wisdom in not always acting in haste, but I have found that church leaders tend to use this as an excuse to not do that which often needs to be done. And when they finally get around to doing it, it's too late! Also, groups of people tend to be risk averse. To meaningfully engage God's work requires great risk and probably will result in far more moments of failure and dead ends than it will produce long-lasting fruit. But it is through the failure and through the risk that genuine breakthroughs occur. In my experience though, most people are too afraid, and equally, too prideful to just go for it!
Fear is a powerful motivator that often holds both churches and individual believers captive. Too many followers of Jesus are afraid to ask awkward and challenging questions that could put their faith on a fast-track of maturation and development. Too often, we have threatened church leaders (and members) with disfellowship, excommunication, and job disqualification if they don't toe the party line (sometimes that is a political party line and sometimes it's the "fundamentalist, evangelical" party line). As a result, many assume that evangelicals must be Biblical literalists, young earth creationists, science deniers, anti-vaxxers, climate change skeptics, conspiracy theory believers, and right-wing extremists. None of these have to be, nor, in my opinion, should be true. Can we not have moderate, grown-up conversations and opinions? If we are to develop a mature faith, we will have to endure moments of spiritual vertigo. Rather than avoiding the discomfort, we should embrace it and celebrate it, knowing that the "testing of (our) faith produces endurance" and when that endurance is takes effect, it will lead to a mature and complete faith (James 1:2-4). I am tired of having to walk (and talk) on eggshells to avoid offending or challenging other's unexamined beliefs.
But more than anything else, the reason I have stepped away from ministry is that in our modern world, I sense a lack of commitment to the church as both family and community. Many people fill their time with all kinds of busyness - some good and necessary and some not good and unnecessary. Church life often gets squeezed out. But just as I've always made family a priority in my life, I have equally made church family a priority. I have slowly, but surely, come to realize that many do not put as a high a value on their community of faith. After years of trying to organize spiritual family reunions and projects, I am simply tired of trying to get the family together. So, me and my family have made a commitment to not join our next church on the condition that they pay me to dispense various spiritual services, but rather to simply do for our next congregation what we have always hoped that others would do with and for their church family. We just want to be "regular family members" and give, love, serve, and be active and vital parts of the family.
Do I regret stepping away from ministry? Absolutely not! Because I haven't actually stepped away from ministry. I am just stepping into a new kind of ministry. I am as excited about this next chapter in my life as I have ever been before. - Shay
